Throughout your life, many people have tried to shape your values and tell you what to believe, what to think, and what you should hold dear. Most, if not all of these people were well intentioned, each of them imparting lessons learned through experience, and speaking from their own unique perspective. These people were your parents, your teachers, your spiritual leaders and your friends. Every one of them wanted the best for you…as they saw fit.
Now you’re an adult, and as you’ve probably figured out, nobody is the boss of you except for you. Even if you follow the requests (or orders) of someone you hold to be an authority, you’re doing so because you choose to do so because you respect that authority.
With that understanding, it’s important that you only do or say things that align with your chosen core values, whether those requests come from within, or someone else.
When you run across situations that may have you question whether you are living your values or someone else’s, here are 3 quick ways to regain your autonomy, and ensure that you maintain a healthy degree of sovereignty…
- Acknowledge Your Feelings
Check in and ask yourself if you are mad, sad, glad, scared, ashamed, or anything similar. If your dominant feelings are uplifting, you’re moving in the right direction. If you’re feeling consistently angry, sad, scared or ashamed, you’re probably living out of integrity with your core values, and trying to please someone else.
- Acknowledge Yourself
You’re amazing. You’re an extraordinary human being…and sometimes you forget that. When you forget, you seek validation from others, and probably give up your power in order to get it. Acknowledge the gold you see in yourself, and remind yourself what you love about you. Soon you’ll feel more powerful and centered, so you can regain the reins on your life, and make choices that serve you best.
- Communicate Your Boundaries
When your values are being compromised to the point of discomfort, unhappiness or resentment, it is time to set some boundaries. When doing so, communicate clearly, calmly, firmly, respectfully, and in as few words as possible. Do not justify, get angry, or apologize for the boundary you are setting. You are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are setting. You are only responsible for communicating your boundary in a respectful manner.
You’re a powerhouse. Let the world know, not by dominating others, but by honoring yourself.
